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>> jon: that's our show, here it is, your moment of zen. >> what did you think about mitt romney this evening? go? >> i think he was assertive, confident and hungry for the job. >> i found him to be more human and relatable tonig captioning sponsored by comedy central captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) (audience chanting "stephen") >> stephen: welcome to the "report." thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us in here out there. i'm sure you can tell by that chanting this crowd has gotten c oshslbmentum. (laughter) ladies and gentlemen, last night was the third and final presidential debate. it threw much-need attention to two key domestic issues, "monday night football" and the national league championship. (laughter) as you remember, folks, the first debate was a blowout win for romney. the second debate-- also happened. (laughter) so let's get the truth of night three in "stephen colbert's debate 2012 coverage." two men, one wheel. who gets to drive us over the cliff? (laughter) (cheers and applause) (cheers and
for romney. the second debate-- also happened. (laughter) so let's get the truth of night three in "stephen colbert's debate 2012 coverage." two men, one wheel. who gets to drive us over the cliff? (laughter) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) these people are huge fans of buick. (laughter) i was so excited because last night was officially the foreign policy debate. unfortunately-- and i do not know this-- that means you have to talk about a lot of other stupid countries. (laughter) and this being boca raton, florida, they hit all the important ones. >> israel is a true friend, it is our greatest ally in the region. >> israel. our closest friend in the region. >> they have to abide by their treaty with israel. >> our ally israel. >> our bond w israel. >> israel. >> israel. >> israel. >> israel. >> israel. >> israel. (laughter) >> stephen: i was playing a drinking game last night where i took a shot of manischewitz every time -- (cheers and applause) every time someone said "israel" and by the end of the debate i was totally diabetic. (laughter) but, folks, this wasn't
, everybody see that debate last night? butn't that great? i mean, romney clearly won. and, folks, i am not just saying that, i am saying that on tv. so if you're an undecided voter who did not watch, just trust me, it is 2 and 0. even though, even though, folks, the night was clearly stacked against mitt. after that first debate debacle, barack obama had definitely won the low expectations game. >> for obama the bar is rather low, compared to the first debate all he has to do is string a few sentences together, coherently to make eye contact with a single extentient human and show the slightest animation in his face. >> colbert: charles kraut hammer is right, low bar, obama's last debate performance was so bad .. that bar was set at charles kraut hammer. >> now, mitt, on the other hand, mitt, mitt romney, much greater challenge. >> we are told that they have practiced to such a level of detail that he even was preparing how he sits and there is a good reason for that. he is going to be sitting on a bar stool and mitt romney is a mormon, so he doesn't spend a lot of time on bar stools,
happened, like mitt romney unhinged his jaw and swallowed obama whole and then spend an hour and a half just like this, digesting him. but i don't know what happened. but i'm excited. here it is, your moment of zen. >> let's talk about... >> he made a fool of himself. he made a fool of himself in the last debate. >> the issue here... >> we are reaching that point tonight that i didn't want to reach. >> nobody captioning sponsored y comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music playing] ( cheers and applause ) chanting stephen's name] >> stephen: welcome to the report, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. [cheers and applause] good to have you with us. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. nation, tonight is the third and final presidential debate between former governor mitt romney and future former president barack obama. [ laughter ] i'm tivoing it, so nobody tell me whether the moderate or conservate romney kicked the lethargic or energetic obama's ass. love laugh a lot of option
presidential debate between former governor mitt romney and future former president barack obama. [ laughter ] i'm tivoing it, so nobody tell me whether the moderate or conservate romney kicked the lethargic or energetic obama's ass. love laugh a lot of option there's. -- options there. [ laughter ] of course, these debates may not matter at all. because there's one issue that could invalidate the entire election. >> voter fraud it's a big concern in this case. >> voter fraud allegations. voter fraud? >> stephen: yes, voter fraud. now, i'm not going to bore you with any shocking examples of voter fraud because it is virtually non-existent. [ laughter ] but i say we can't be too careful, folks. anybody voting that i don't personally know is kind of suspicious. [ laughter ] thankfully, there are some heroes out there trying to keep this process pure. >> a republican worker is arrested for voter fraud. >> he is a contractor. >> someone working at a business in a local g.o.p. headquarters building spotted a man dumping voter registration form. they found 8 completed forms in the dumpster. >> ste
to hide the truth? is this a huge scandal that exposes a failed obama foreign policy? or is mitt romney just saying it is? >> stephen: why didn't our consulate have more security? why was the intelligence so slow to come out? and more importantly, if you put a statement in the form of a question, is it journalism? [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] so why did the administration imply these attacks were incited by a youtube video that insults the prophet mohammed? would anyone else like to chime in? >> why, why would he -- he and his administration -- speak repeatedly about that little video and with such authority and certainty? >> why would they come up with the video? >> are we really going to blame a video? [ laughter ] >> stephen: how could a video possibly incite violence? jimmy, why don't we watch it? ♪ >> stephen: why has my network forbidden me to show that video? did obama get to them? [ laughter ] or is there some other question i should be asking? [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] >> did the president, did his team, call this an act of terror from the start? why do you thi
the plains ♪ ♪ anonymous source say mitt romney uses spray tan. those anonymous sources, anyone with eyes. (laughter) this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the report, everybody. thank you so much for joining us. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) thank you, thank you so much. thank you. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. that fervent chanting of my name will hold me over until i can get home and chant it into a mirror. (laughter) nation, we are a mere 12 days away from the election. and it is my solemn obligation as a newsman to bring you the most cutting edge, baseless decimations of who is going to win. now this much we know, folks. the election could be swung by one key voting bloc. >> women! >> stephen: yes! it's the ladies! who are they going to vote for? well, according to a new report on cnn.com, women vote based on their oflation cycle. (laughter) the study s
is without any doubt in my heart sure to be mitt romney's triumph but let's not forget the important contribution made by his youthful ward paul ryan and on saturday ryan did it again. >> vice presidential candidate paul ryan came to northeast ohio. he visit aid soup cich money in youngstown. as the family washed dishes at the kitchen. >> stephen: forget atlas shrugs this weekend atlas scrubs. and here is the thing, how did the charity thank ryan? with a steaming ladle of complaints. >> the romney campaign is on defense over this paul ryan photo op at a soup kitchen. >> the president of the charity said the campaign quote ramrodded their way in so ryan could get his picture taken while washing dishes. the photo op they did was not accurate. he did nothing. he came in here to get the picture taken at the dining hall. >> stephen: yes, accord twoafght paul ryan showed up for 15 minutes at a soup kitchen after the patrons had left and washed pots and pans that did not appear to be dirty. [ laughter ] now, folks, that may sound pointless but remember he's running for vice president. [ lau
indiana. >> i think governor romney going to win indiana, there is every indication they will. >> stephen: as goes indiana so goes parts of kentucky. well, governor daniels, thank you so much for joining me. (cheers and applause) may i -- >> i think frankly you ought to come out to purdue, do the show from there sometime. this will be a reminder for you, it's a-- season you could tell people it stands for pope or something. >> stephen: thank you so much, governor. >> thanks a lot. >> stephen: indiana governor mitch daniels. keeping the republic. well's be right back. >> good night
Search Results 0 to 17 of about 18 (some duplicates have been removed)

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